adventures in the key of k8

2001-12-16T23:21:00.000-08:00

i moved again.

2001-12-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

no updates in three days. i'm so fucking sorry. i was having major keyboard issues. this is so funny... it was frustrating too, but how hilarious is this? my keyboard had a sticky key, so everytime i booted my puter i got a bios error message, keyboard error or no keyboard found... press F1 to continue or Del to enter setup. in case you don't understand why that is so hilarious... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HIT F1 OR DELETE IF MY KEYBOARD DOES NOT WORK? hahahahaha.

anyway, i now have a lovely new keyboard. it's so pretty and curvy and soft and gliderific. so now i can answer email, update stuff and talk to my ppl on icq again. yayaya.

tattoo day on tuesday. meow. i can't wait. okay. on the agenda this evening: 3 reviews. 2cds, one book. the cds first. i bought two new cds on friday...

pete yorn's musicforthemorningafter this cd melts in my mouth. it's the kind of cd that i want to have a torrid love affair with. it's the kind of cd that absolutely overwhelms me... it's simply delicious. there is not a single song on this cd that i dislike. i first heard of pete yorn from jessica who advised me to download the song for nancy which is a delightful song. so when bird, al and i were wandering around in musicworld, i knew i wanted to pick up a couple cds, and i knew that i have a whole gigantic wishlist and all, but the wishlist in my mind isn't quite so reliable as the one on my desk, which wasn't much help to me when i was not at my desk, and in fact at the mall. anyway, i didn't notice the pete yorn cd til we were almost leaving. as soon as i spotted it, i immediately knew i had to have it. and thank goodness i spied it because i have been listening to it non-stop since friday. i love the song june... you know how that car commercial with pink moon by nick drake made you want to drive around at night in a convertible with ppl you love looking at the stars? june has the same effect on me, mostly. and the way i feel about pete yorn is the same way i felt about elliott smith when i first discovered him. and we all know how hideously obsessed i am with mr. smith, so coming from me that is saying a lot. argh. buy this cd.

smashing pumpkins greatest hits - first of all, i have never been a huge smashing pumpkins fan. i mean, i own gish, siamese dream and mellon collie, but they have never been at the top of my favourite albums list. [{mayonnaise always makes me cry...>}] anyway, when we walked into music world on friday, this album was the currently playing selection. we wandered the aisles for about an hour and when we left bird and i had both purchased the cd. i know, we're suckers, and musicworld are marketing geniuses, hahaha. however, i feel that i got the better deal by purchasing the limited edition with a second disc of b-sides and rarities - bird just got the greatest hits disc, and i only paid three dollars more. so haha bird. anyway, as i was saying, while wandereing musicworld, everytime a new track started it triggered a memory, not a distinct memory of an exact occasion or situation per se, but of a certain period of my life, which caused me to realize that although i'm not as insane about the pumpkins as so many others are, they have been somewhat of a constant presence in my life, esp. through my high school years. so why the fuck not purchase the greatest hits album and kind of admit that billy corgan is a quasi-genius? meglomaniac, yes, but damn the man has talent. soze i bought it. i haven't been listening to it nearly so much this weekend, as pete yorn has pretty much has been exclusively dominating my ears, but i will say that it is a good cd for a lesser sp fan (such as myself) to own. can you even follow my verbal diarrhea anymore? hahaha. i only have two very specific complaints about this cd: 1) no rocket 2) no mayonnaise. i will get over it. and i haven't listened to the second disc yet so oh well.

jennifer lauck - blackbird i'm not going to say that this book is about me, cause it's not. it's about jennifer lauck, and a six year period of her childhood in which both of her parents die. when i saw her being interviewed on rosie, rosie kept saying how depressing her childhood was... and now what i'm reading the book, (i'm about halfway through) i am beginning to realize how many parallels there are between my life and jennifer's, and let me tell ya.... there ain' nuthin' depressing about my life. shit happens sometimes. i am a firm believer in the notion that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. amen sistah. anyway, i don't really want to give too much away, but i can say this: it is a good book. haha. i am ever so eloquent. no, it is though... jennifer at seven years old reminds me a bit of myself at 20, when i lost my mother. i think i will reserve a review for when i actually finish the book. but i just wanted to say that it is good so far.

okay.

and i just thought that i'd mention how disgusting viva puffs are. i ate one tonight... i have not been able to eat them really since that summer that wendy and i spent with becky in sudbury and we practically lived off of frozen viva puffs from becky's deep freezer. that is all.

*off she goes*

love kate

2001-12-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

1:11 AM

can't sleep. i'm not usually in bed at this hour... that's probably why. not sure why i decided to go to bed... bought a new book, blackbird by jennifer lauck. so far so good. and i decided that i wanted to curl up in bed and read. but then after about 20-30 pages, i decided it was time for lights out... but could not sleep for some reason. so i came to blog.

i have so much on my mind. the stupid steel plant. tomorrow's the big day when everyone finds out what's going to happen. whether my father will still have a job. he has given them 25 years of his life and he might not even get his pension out of it. fuck them. i am keeping my fingers crossed, because i think it might end up killing him if that place shuts down. he talks about moving to calgary, and working there, or bc even, but we'll see about that. i shouldn't be borrowing trouble, i suppose. i just worry about him so much sometimes that i have to stop and tell myself that he's the parent and i am the child. i don't know what i'd do without him.

and the car... jordy's sister robin lent it to me for a few hours tonight to see if i was interested in it or not. here's the lowdown... it's a 98 dodge neon, 5 sp standard... 70 000km, and i would be taking over the lease at $7500. it's so nice... it drives so well, and i love it... and it already has a cd player. i know that the stereo system is the last thing i should be concerned with, but it's nice. arg. but do i really want to make that kind of a commitment in my life right now? i mean...like, i could pay it off in about two years without crippling myself financially. but who knows where i will be in a year? grr... oh well, must think. also, it would mean either getting a loan from my bank or getting financed through the dealership. don't know how crazy i am about either of those ideas. i will mull everything over for awhile.

thinking about mom constantly these past few days. miss her like crazy. that goes without saying, i know. but yesterday, at work, i couldn't remember what her laugh sounded like and i started crying. at work. i'm a sap, truly. i stopped myself before anyone noticed, thank god. i love my co-workers and i've made a lot of friends there, but i would rather not expose them to random fits of tears. it's times like these, when i'm stressing over the holidays. and my sister being a fuckup. and my dad losing his job. and making big financial decisions... that's when i miss her the most, because i start to feel like if she were here to help me understand the way things are sometimes and that they will get better, then maybe i would feel better about my life in general. what i'm starting to realize is that i don't need her, because she's already given me everything i need. she planted a seed of self-reliance in my soul and nurtured it, and she didn't leave me until it was starting to grow... horrible analogy, i know, but what i'm trying to say is, i don't need her here to have her to comfort me... i don't need her here to ask her advice... because i know that she has helped me to build inner strength and i know what she would probably say if i needed her advice... because i am a part of her. and that in itself is a comfort. and i know that things will get better, and i know that i am smart and strong and determined and THAT is why hard times will pass. everything is so uncertain right now, and i crave stability, but it will come with time, and i have to be patient.

i love you mom.

kate

2001-12-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

that's it, i'm doing all my entries notepad-style from now on, then i will copy and paste, cause i really just can't deal with how much blogger makes my IE crash. stupid IE. grr.

anyway, things are going well. the countdown continues. mostly everyone is coming home soon. and to celebrate i am throwing a christmas party on the 28th. although i did receive some distressing news yesterday from bumpy... apparently scott is planning on showing up completely wasted ... he will be drinking copious amounts before he even leaves the house. when scott is drunk he turns into a total arse. he even gets a little... violent? i dunno, probably cantankerous is a better word. or like, argumentative. he's an ass when he's drunk. that's it. and that is not welcome at my party... if he's being an arse, he'll get the boot and i will make him leave. and that's that. i want it to be a good atmosphere.

on a completely unrelated subject, i got a wee tipsy at foggy's last night. first time in awhile... but the dears were playing and it seemed reason to celebrate. they were absolutely wonderful. adorable even. they're like this delicious pulpy/sloany/smithsy/strokesy ghoulash. i advise you to check them out. steph, i cannot believe they are your hometown boys and you have never seen them. i know montreal is big and everything, but you really need to check them out if/when you get a chance. cause they're super-duper.

i might have a car soon! my uncle's sister had-cosigned a lease for her son for a black 2000 neon and he got laid off and stopped making the payments. she wants to get the car out of her hair, so i might be taking over the lease. she's bringing it over here after four today so i can look at it. that would be so, so mint. cause a 2000 neon would kick the crap out of any hunk-of-junk that i had intended to buy where my dad got his truck. yay.

also, i have to get my darn xmas shopping done. i don't want to be overly concerned with it while my chums are home.

okay, i'm gonna hop in the shower/etc. laters skaters, love k8

2001-12-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

my computer crashed in the middle of this post last time... very frustrating. breathe, kate, take a breath. here's the deal... i met a boy at work today. a cute one. and funny. i happened to sit next to him, and have never seen him at work before, but since over 400 ppl work at nucomm that isn't such a rarity. anyway, we were chatting it up, real colleague-style... friendly stuff. and becky and i went out for a cigarette break. it was cold, so we sat in her van and listened to the oldies station. those things are dangerous. it's like... you don't even realize it, but the songs get stuck in your head and you know all the words and you're singing it for the rest of the day... anyway, when we get back in, i *guess* i was singing out loud when i sat down, as is my nerd-like-wont... and he's like, "...that's some nice sweet caroline you've got going on there..." haha, loser kate is walking around the floor singing neil diamond. anyway, we were discussing the hilarity in the fact that i really don't like neil diamond at all, yet not only know every single word to that song AND am walking around at work singing it. the topic of conversation eventually turns to musical preferences... and the first two words out of his mouth? pearl jam. i kid you not. i tell you... hearing that from a cute boy is like... chocolatey-goodness. i know some people can sympathize with what i mean. a cute nice boy who is funny and likes pearl jam is a treasure. we talked about my boys from seattle for about an hour straight cause call volume was low. we totally geeked out. but here's what kills me about myself... how stupid i am... how i didn't even say goodbye when i left work... i mean, we were getting along pretty well, and even if he has a girlfriend or whatever, it'd be cool to be friends with him and sit with him at work and stuff, eh? so why don't i just acknowledge his presence by saying like, bye, nice chatting, see you around or whatever? because i am a bona fide loser:

Main Entry: los·er
Pronunciation: 'lü-z&r
Function: noun
Date: 1548
1 : one that loses especially consistently
2 : one who is incompetent or unable to succeed; also : something doomed to fail or disappoint

*sigh*. why do i torment myself so? anyway, i hope i can sit near him again at work or something... or maybe actually be brave and ask him out for coffee or something? so cowardly. arg. he likes them sooo much. and he went to school with billi and tiff.

anyway, so yeah. work was pretty cool tonight. i dig the saturdays. do you like my excessive use of links tonight? i don't know where it's coming from. steph maybe? yeah, so, christmas shopping on thursday... must budge or i will spend a million billion dollars on people... cannot do that. don't have million billion dollars to spend. and must buy camera. which i haven't done yet. arg. okay. done here for the night. later kids. love k8

2001-12-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

so my father is in total mourning over george harrison. it is very sad. i mean, i recognize what a loss it is... but my father, well, george was his favourite. and obviously, being much older than i, actually remembers the beatles, grew up listening to them, saw them in concert several times, feels a very passionate connection with their music. he refers to george as "his buddy". the beatles broke up before i was born and john lennon was shot when i was four months old. but i still love the beatles. it weird that in a physical, human, sense of existence they're 50% gone. anyway, in true list style, here are some beatles songs that i feel are truly special. no particular order... and i put several of these on the tape for my mother's funeral. she loved the beatles.

blackbird - was on my mother's remembrance tape which was played continuously during the wake. also very fun to play on the guitar - so easy, but so beautiful.
because - so different, but so pretty. i love to sing this song, even though i suck.
rocky raccoon - greg mclaughlin used to play this song at dunn assemblies and the 'ball before he found god and sold all his guitars. one of my true favourites.
girl - one of my father's favourite songs, and guaranteed to be sung by him whilst in a drunken, nostalgic mood\
norwegian wood - reminds me of grade ten guitar class... one of my favourite songs ever. and obviously mr. gough's as well, cause we played it far too many times.
here comes the sun - reminds me of this one night at billy's - after a hardcore huge party, he and wendy and i were crashing out on his couch in a weird little tangle, and somehow at six in the morning, abbey road started playing continuously on the stereo - not sure/don't remember who put it in, but it played at least a couple of times before we actually fell asleep and it's SUCH A WEIRD calling asleep cd - but good nonetheless.
michelle - awwww, this song makes my heart sad. actually, reminds me of my first exposure to the beatles, really... i was in grade six and i had just gotten a cd player for christmas, but it had a turntable on the top - since i only had 3 or 4 cds at that point, i eventually rummaged through my dad's old vinyl. rubber soul was a big favourite of mine. especially michelle

of course there are more, but it would take far too long to list all of my favourites... those are a few off the top of my head.

miracle of all miracles, i went out last night. becky made me. we went to a new bar that just opened up downtown called the down beat. i love it... it's so mellow and small and comfy... mismatched couches and chairs and retro-y coffee tables and phunk art on the walls - so homey. and it was fun to see people, too. jill pateman for one, who i haven't seen in over a year and a half (actually, last night i saw her was at that rave where i thought i was dying cause i took too much ecstasy...echh.) but it was cool to see her nonetheless, and it's always a joy to see kristen, shauna and amber. mike robillard was there too, haha, he quit his job, which is at the same place where i work. he got another one at a new thingey that is opening up. he's taking a pay cut of at least a couple dollars... so he must of really hated it at nucomm. but i had fun and had some white russians. saw katina, as well, looking oh-so-cute in a chic black bobbed wig. that crazy chica. and matt-from-work was there, working pro-style hard on picking up this girl that he really likes. i think it's really fun to watch that kind of stuff happening... i am such a voyeur.

anyway, my weekend is unfortunately over and i have to shower/getdressed/eat/find-a-ride in the next hour, so i should go. but i was feeling guilty about my lack-of-entry last night, but by the time we got home from the down beat i was soooo sleepy.

later skaterz. love k8

2001-11-29T22:31:00.000-08:00

kate's to-do list for december

1. put the fleece liner back in my coat, cause damn it is cold out
2. invest in a new pair of docs
3. marry this guy
4. dig out the holiday decorations
5. finish my chistmas shoping EARLY this year
6. get disgustingly drunk with these guys cause most of them are coming home for xmas
7. not go to work... (i'm not quitting or getting fired, as far as i know.. i just have lots of time booked off this month...)
8. take my boys for their second annual check-up/vaccinations
9. get a haircut (it's getting too long in the back, i'm practically growing a mullet...)
10. attempt to get my ass down to toronto to get my stuff (will it ever happen? how i miss my stuff...)

i forgot to mention... last weekend when i spent the night at scott/chris's (they have merged into one entity in my head...) david bradfield called from toronto! haven't spoken with him in months! sounds like he's doing really well, and he'll be home for a few days right after christmas, YAY. i'm going to stop gushing about seeing everyone again, cause it seems like that's all i talk about anymore.

i didn't watch survivor tonight... it was like, a clip show from the first 21 days, so i after cleaning the house and doing my laundry all day, i opted for some special on fox about the making of the lord of the rings which incidentally looks really cool... can't wait. i still have to get out and see harry potter. that should be number eleven on my to-do list.

11. go see the harry potter movie because i have to. because i've read the books a million zillion times. and i have to see what they've done with it.

soon... on december eleventh i get my next tattoo... and i'm still undecided!! i still have it narrowed down to a) nautical stars on the front of my shoulders b) a lotus flower on the back of my left shoulder c) i was contemplating getting a fairy on the back of the shoulder, but upon closer inspection have decided that it's too girly, even though i can be pretty girly sometimes or d) a growling kitty face w/ crossbones ( i probably won't get this one. ) damn.... i better make up my damn mind, cause i have to get the drawing in to shellayne@anipeg this next week...

well, i think i just may have to go to white rose tomorrow... i'm already geeking out over holiday decorations etc. and i'm feeling crafty... white rose is THE place to be when you're feeling crafty. and i should get grayson's phone tomorrow, too.

is it wrong of me to like hayden's version of gouge away better than the original by the pixies? maybe. maybe not.

meow. *heart* kitty-kate

2001-11-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

work was tolerable today. i spent most of the shift in a foul funk type mood, but the last couple hours weren't bad. i had a customer who was by far the biggest jerk i have spoken with while on the phones in the past five months. he said that i was only authorized to tell him to piss off. he said he was a lawyer and he threatened to sue "us bastards." he called me incompetent. he said that we would have to reimburse his wages lost while waiting for a tech. he swore at me repeatedly. he asked me to put it in the work order that the technician should "bring his ass breakfast." he yelled and yelled and yelled. he was a real jerk. after i scheduled an appointment with the tech, he told me to fuck off and hung up. how's that for nice? people are jerks sometimes.

but you know what? everything balances out though, because right after mr. asshole called and put me in a super-bitchy-pissy mood, i had the best call... this totally nice surfer-dude. he was very sweet and very complimentary. he kept calling me the all powerful internet queen. and when i managed to solve his problem and get him back online, he was super-duper greatful. and he put me back in a good mood. thanks guy!

so now i'm off for two days. i love my weekends, even if i don't happen to get anything accomplished. i think i'm just gonna do laundry and stuff tomorrow. that's usually the way it goes. and i am grossly in need of clean clothing. i just realized i have a huge rip down the thigh of my favourite pajama pants. dammit.

it is wayyyyy too cold out. when i got home from work tonite i took lucy for a walk to the store. i am still trying to warm up, an hour later. sucks.
well, i'm about ready to crash. later skaters.

love k8

2001-11-27T23:42:00.000-08:00

mrowr. i don't know what's up with me lately... hormone surge? could be. i feel like jumping every second boy i see. i think it's something about winter that affects me this way. what's up with everyone going to part-time? i don't understand it... quel bizarre. (haven't been in a francais class for 6 years, okay? i know i can't spell... ) ooh, for fun, let me try to speak in french, kay?
bonjour. je m'appelle kate. je suis une fille tres jolie. j'aime des garcons. haha. je suis une loser.

work was absolutely INSANE this evening. the queue didn't die until almost 11 PM. but you know what? ever since i worked days last week, i've grown accustomed to having excessive queue and it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. plus, it makes the shift go by faster.

i absolutely 100% cannot wait for everyone to come home. i'm warning you, i'm going into cheeseball mode here... i cannot wait to HUG everyone. drew, wendy, ryan, sara, sarah, mandy, kc, rebecca, jenn, EVERYONE... yay yay yay.

i need some new clothes in a big bad way. oh yeah, it snowed like crazy last night and today. it's here to stay now. this is both good and bad. i dig the snow. i don't dig the cold. i have to change the way i dress now. damn.

i am listening to hole. had almost but not quite forgotten how much i love them. even celebrity skin. yowsa. i don't have much to say tonight. don't know why. later skaters. love k8

2001-11-27T01:25:00.000-08:00

hung out with smashleigh tonight. it was really good to see her... when you're with a true friend, it's like nothing changes. you can go months, years, without seeing them, but when you do, it's like you just pick up right where you left off. i'm so glad we're not on bad terms anymore... we were going to go out and stuff, but ended up on a tea excursion to the A&P (24 hours, baby...) and then we went to robin's for some old sk00l caff. rented a couple movies... bridget jone's diary and 3000 miles to graceland. have already seen BJD, but got it again because i really wanted ashleigh to see it... and she loved it, of course. 3000 miles to graceland was okay. we both mostly dozed during it, and when it was over i walked home in the snow... we got more snow! 10 centimetres so far. lovely crunch-walk at 3:30 AM. i just need to say that what other city in canada would i feel okay walking home by myself in that late at night? sault ste. marie. not a second thought. no paranoia, no glancing over my shoulder every two seconds the way i had to in guelph. i love my hometown. i hope it doesn't die.

short entry tonite, i'm sleepy... it's 4:20... i suppose if it were a couple years ago i would actually care....

later skaters. love k8

2001-11-25T19:36:00.000-08:00

i just had the best talk with my darling mijandah who i miss soooo much. she called me just to say hi and we ended up talking for more than two hours. she is soooo special to me and it makes me giddy to hear how happy and well she is doing. ottawa is treating her well, she's in an awesome relationship, and she's made some decisions about school that she really needed to make. the result is that she will be in a program that is much less stressful and she will be better off, i'm sure. amanda is one of my favourite people on earth. she understands. and sometimes it's hard to find people that understand. and she knows me and my family so well that she can totally relate to anything whatsoever that i need to talk to her about. i don't censor anything when i'm talking to her. i can say anything, ANYTHING whatsoever. there's no judgement there, just love and respect and understanding. i love amanda. here are some people that i miss and why:

mijandah/amanda - amanda understands me in a way that no one else can
ryan - ryan and i share the same sense of humour and he can make me laugh in a way that no one else can.
drew - drew loves me and will do anything it takes to cheer me up when i am down.
wendy - wendy is so cute and fun and kind... she spreads child-like innocence throughout the great white north
kyle - kyle makes me feel like my own perversions (call them what you will) aren't quite so deviant.

damn, there are too many of them... y'all know who you are... i love you guys and i can't wait to see most of you over the holidays!!

PS. i want to get my nipples pierced, but i am too shy to show my boobies to my piercer.

2001-11-25T17:07:00.000-08:00

hey y'all. had kind of a crazy non-weekend. and for some reason i'm having difficulty typing. i'm not drunk. oh well. i see i haven't posted since the 21st. hmm. last night was our staff christmas party. i did not go. at first i wasn't going because i thought i would be working afternoons the day of. and then i got switched to days last week. and i still didn't go. because i am an anti-social party-pooper. i went and spent the night at chris and scott's instead, because i didn't feel like being at home for some reason. their apartment is such a homey place of solace sometimes. it's a very comforting atmosphere. even if scott still makes me uncomfortable when he looks at me sometimes. but at least he can speak in my presence now, and even make eye contact for limited periods of time.

i am going back to afternoons tomorrow. hallelujah. it will be so nice for my life to resume to a certain shade of normal after being so harshly disrupted by having to get up at six every day.

ashleigh's grandmother died. the wake was today. she is in town. i am going to give her a belated birthday gift that i bought her that i know she is absolutely going to love. it is a journalling set called "the way in: a guide to journalling" or something like that - it comes in this really nice box - it contains a blank journal and a book which is like a guide/inspiration kind of dealy for writing. it was a bit pricey, but that's one of the perks of having an okay job... i can buy nice things for the people i love for the first time in my life. and my friends are not shallow or materialistic... i know they love it just as much when i make them a mixed cd or write them a poem or stuff like that. but it's still nice to be able to buy stuff for them too. and they should enjoy it while they can before i become a poor student again sometime in the next couple years.

work is crazy. they hired way too many people and afternoon shifts are crammed. they better hurry up and move those 30 ppl to dayshifts that they are supposed to. either that or start firing ppl :P (not me, though...)

i am a little paranoid about something as of late. i was blithely flipping through the latest rosie magazine (i will be the first to admit to my nerdliness...)and came upon a health advice column. some chick was asking about polycystic ovarian syndrome, in which you grow a zillion tiny cysts on your ovaries. it's caused by some weird hormone imbalance and can also cause acne, excessive facial hair, irregular or non-existent periods and infertility. all of a sudden it all clicked... i've been breaking out on my face lately, and i seem to be growing facial hair... not gross thick facial hair, just blondey peach fuzzy stuff... has it always been there? or am i just noticing it now because of my paranoid tendencies? and anyone that knows me well knows how fucked up my periods can get. and the depo-provera doesn't seem to be helping... cause even though i'm only getting my period once every three months or whatever, they're still really fucked up. i think maybe i should go see my doctor, but i'm always so bad about that. argh. luckily my normal doctor is also my gyno, so i really don't have any excuses. fuck.

anyway, i'm still in an okay mood despite all the craziness. why you ask? i will tell you. because the holidays are coming, in which i have lots of time booked off, in which i get to see all of my friends when they get to town. and i am throwing a party on dec. 28th. yay!

so i'm gonna go watch the simpson methinks... perhaps more later.

k8

2001-11-21T21:21:00.000-08:00

i know i already just posted, but i'm posting again so get over it.

how i will become a rock-star

1. buy a better guitar
2. get some more tattoos
3. dye hair back to black
4 actually learn how to write a melody
5. think up a stage name... suggestions?
6. play some shows
7. work on my calluses
8. learn how to sing - voice lessons?
10. get my nipples pierced
11. nose job? nah.
12. get a life (never!)

sounds like a recipe for success to me.

while on the subject of dreams and fantasies, i know i'm about to go into little girly style mode here, but oh well, here goes.

my boi (perfection)

-will have shaggy hair and glasses and will possibly be in a sucky emo band
-will write me bad poetry and give me well-intentioned massages
-will smell good - not perfumey, but like fabric softener and soap.
-will write sappy emo songs about falling in love that make you go awwww...
-will be a feminist
-will believe in all the good stuff like fairies and kissing and punk rock
-will love animals and will wrestle with puppies on the floor
-will be polite, well-mannered, well-read, yet outspoken and maybe a little bit political
-i will catch him singing cheesy love songs when he thinks nobody's looking
-won't be afraid of looking foolish
-won't be afraid of falling in love with me
-will take my niece and nephew to disney movies and HE will end up crying at the end...
-will appreciate me for who i am
-will never ever ever ever happen because he doesn't exist....

god, i sound like a 12 year old. anyway, that's all for now.

2001-11-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

kind of a grey day. woke up ridiculously early just so that i could catch the bus to work. i think that maybe right there, that's the reason why i had a crappy day... because i had to force myself out into the the cold... not even light out yet, and freeze my ass off whilst trudging to the bus stop. listening to hayden on the discman, which just makes me want to go back to sleep. standing at the bus shelter, cursing the transit system for being so unreliable... it was ten minutes late this morning. and on the coldest day since last winter so far. get to work - there is a gigantic call queue. why you may ask? (actually you maybe just want me to shut up...) because the 21st is one of our billing cycle dates. billing questions galore. i freaking hate those calls. ahem:

customer: what the hell is this 7.95 additional outlet charge on my bill?!
me: well sir, that's a one-time charge to have the additional outlet added to your account.
customer: okay, what's this 49 dollar professional installation fee?
me: well sir, that's a 49 dollar professional installation fee...
customer: and the five dollar modem rental fee?
me: that's how much you pay per month to rent the modem, sir.

i am not kidding you. here's another good one i got today.

customer: my cable modem is not working.
me: okay, can i get you to look at the lights on the modem and tell me what they're doing please sir?
customer: they're not doing anything! that's the problem... they're all off...
me: okay sir, can i just get you to check the physical connections please?
customer: *rustling around behind computer* oh.... it was unplugged....

now i completely understand that older people did not grow up with computers as i did....but what the fuck. if your toaster isn't making toast, wouldn't the power cord be the first thing you would check? if your walkman shits out, don't you check the batteries right away? man.

you get the idea. these calls are usually funny and i would much prefer them to the people who insist on calling me incompetent. but today everything was annoying me.
all the americans on the phone always think i'm from minnesota... i think because of the northern accent. and sometimes they actually ask me if i am canadian... sometimes as soon as i say the word modem. don't know why.

so at least it's my weekend now. and it came early because i was bad today and booked the last half of my shift off because i am a loser and i felt like shite and just wanted to go home and watch rosie o'donnell and eat baba ghanouj because there was no good food in the caf whatsoever. they better get the hot food service going as soon as possible because i can't stand this living out of a vending machine whilst at work. and we all know that i am far too lazy to make my lunches ahead of time.

i talked to wendy tonight... she is doing quite well, a little stressed over school, however, but it is still just her freshman year so i'm sure she's still learning how to deal with everything. she is coming home on the THIRTEENTH... isn't that super early for xmas break? crazy. and she doesn't have to go back until the 5th!! she'll be home for 3 and a half weeks!! *craziness ensues*

i leave you this evening with my all-time favourite customer quote... from my first week as a technical supportperson for a broadband ISP -
- it comes from mr. hill in augusta, georgia:

customer: what's yer name, dearie?
me: kate.
customer: well kate's a smart name, but yer *not* a smart girl.. yer dumber than a STICK.
me: i don't appreciate being called dumb, sir...
customer: well i don't 'ppreciate havin' to CALL ya dumb, butcha ARE....

goodnight.

love k8 (***who is supposedly dumber than a stick...***)

2001-11-20T18:31:00.000-08:00

so anyway, i just made a really exciting realization... i can buy a camera! i know it doesn't sound quite so great to you, but i have been without a decent camera for years. i am going to buy one on payday. i need to have a camera for the holidays for sure... i think it has something to do with my fetish for frames... i obsess over them and own way too many and constantly need new pictures to put inside of them. hahaha.

guess what. it snowed last night. and today. it's still on the ground. it looks like i will have to put the liner back in my coat. damn! i was enjoying the mild weather. i froze my ass off TWICE today... once while waiting for the bus to go to work and once while waiting for the bus to go home. bleh. and i got up super-duper early. and i'm tired. but i'm in an exquisite mood... why you ask me? because i have so much time off around christmas!! i will actually get to see my friends while they are in town. this is incredibly exciting, and also it is another reason why i need a camera. i'm gonna take so many damn piccys of them that they will be kicking my ass like they're sean penn or something. how did i manage this you ask? well, since i couldn't get the original time off that i had time-banked for ottawa, they at least put the days back in my time-bank and i withdrew four days over the holidays, as well as 4 unpaid days off, which will equal out because i am working 3 stat holidays in the last week of december (xmas/boxingday/newyearsday) and how does double-time-and-a-half sound to you? i don't even mind on account of the fact that i am going to have days off as follows: i will be off from december 16th to the 21st.. i will work the 22nd, but am off on the 23rd... work the 24th/25th/26th, then am off 27th/28th/29th/30th... i then work the 31st and 31st, but am off on the 2nd/3rd/4th!!! how incredibe is this? i am so so pumped.

i am also going to start christmas shopping on friday (payday) cause i wanna get the big stuff out of the way (dad and grayson's gifts) before i continue on to the fun of buying for the kids jesse/jayday. i am planning on getting a cell phone for gray so that he will stop scoobying mine. i have no idea what to get for dad. any suggestions?

second christmas without mom... last year wasn't really christmas, though... it was weird...too different to be a christmas. i am excited to be in my real home for christmas with my real family for a real holiday. christmas has always been my absolute favourite holiday... but it's not the christmas aspect. i don't even care that i am WORKING on christmas. it's just something about snow and family (no matter how the term family may change from year to year...) and going from the cold outside to a warm house/office/mall/whatever. i am a loser... i accepted this a long time ago. why? the most exciting part of christmas for me is shopping for gifts... i know it's not supposed to be so materialistic.... but i can't help it... i absolutely love buying presents. maybe i have low self esteem and feel the need to buy people off so that they will like me... no, i don't really think so, but i'm not sure why i like it so much. oh well.

i just need to share with you all the magic of tami hart. i first heard of her about a year ago, and she got me through guelph. i recently rediscovered her. she is this cute little dyke with fire in her belly. please go listen to her now.

you are excused.

love k8

2001-11-19T17:35:00.000-08:00

meowwww. i am so ****ing tired today that i can't even believe i'm not asleep right now, but i was feeling guilt pangs about neglecting my new blog-baby since four days ago. *gross* negligence. if it were a real baby, it would be dead. and i would be thrown in jail. this is why i don't have children. so anyway, what happened is this: they switched my schedule to day-shifts, 9-5, without informing me. and luckily once i realized what had happened, i found someone to switch, and thanks to the prompt and efficient response of my team leader tom, i will only have to work days for one week. thank you tom. not that working days is absolutely horrible, but the afternoon shift is so much more laidback. and i absolutely cannot cope with getting up at six am every morning.
my weekend was mediochre. happy birthday bird. happy birthday cara. happy birthday matt. whew. too many birthdays. and with that, i apologize for my brief appearance this evening and bid you adieu.
snookers. k8

2001-11-15T22:56:00.000-08:00

i talked to ashleigh for like, two hours tonight. i cannot possibly convey to you how relieved i am that we are now, after six months or so, able to put all the childishness behind us. it's scary when your best friend isn't your best friend anymore. i think we both realized that whatever happened in the past is just that - the past. and life is far too short to dwell on mistakes made in the past - you learn from them, as i have, and i hope she has as well. i can't remember ever being that angry at someone but feeling so full of love for them at the same time... it was hard not to be able to just call her up to dish about latin and boys and frank sinatra. she is so bizarre, and my heart swells knowing that we are working on repairing our slightly marred relationship. she is coming home for christmas, and i'm pretty excited, and a little bit nervous at the same time because i haven't seen her face to face since our falling out. ashleigh is too special to just let go.
ps. boys are stupid and i don't even care anymore. really, i don't. i believe the correct adjective in my case would be "indifferent." good song, check it out. only when i say that i am indfferent about boys, it's not as depressing as the song. yeah. so goodnight, y'all.

2001-11-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

i was inspired by steph to go on a blind melon binge yesterday. i had almost completely forgotten about the song mouthful of cavities... what a gem to rediscover. i love this song. not just love, but like, if it were a person, it would probably have to get a restraining order placed on me. and with rediscovering it came a flood of memories from my grade twelve year, the most prominent being memories of the fireball, and going to see adam and beaver play. they were so good that i didn't even mind that they barely played any originals. and they covered this song soooo beautifully. it's a crying shame they don't play together anymore. but anyway, it got me to thinking about how certain songs trigger certain memories. it's so cool how you can just happen upon a song on the radio, tv, internet, friend's stereo etc. and just be transported back to a certain time and place in your past. here are a few of my personal favourite sensory triggers in song format:

only in dreams - weezer
i am fourteen years old and getting ready to go to a punk rock show at the princess theatre, probably. my docs are shiny and my collar is in place. listening to weezer is hardly the way to get "punked up" for a show... but it is soo pretty. i am wondering if steve will be there. i am wondering if his stupid girlfriend will be there. he is. and so is she. and they are making out. and it hurts to look at them, but i can's stop watching them. janet pats my arm. there there, kate. she sucks anyway... he's bound to break up with her soon. and anyway, she is scrawny and funny looking. what's up with that?

sugar magnolia - grateful dead
i am eighteen years old and in my final year of high school. i am on spare with billi, adam, bird and jamie. i feel like a pedophile because i can't stop looking at jamie and he is *So* cute, but alas he is only fifteen years old. what's he doing with us anyway? we're lazing around under the big oak next to the track field. the big oak hides us from view of the teacher's lounge, so we are smoking and drinking cappucino or juice or whatever. it is one of the first beautiful days of the year... the sun is out in full force, and we are most certainly taking advantage of it. billi is probably talking about cheese or boys or ani and adam is probably talking about how he'd rather be in vancouver. jamie is silent as per usual. i stretch out my legs in the sun and wiggle my toes around in my new sandals. we're not really *DOING* anything... but at least we're not in class.

more human than human - white zombie
wendy and i are huddled on the floor in my basement. she is angry. i am angry too. rob is a jerk. he kissed some other girl at semi-formal and called wendy from the banquet hall to break up with her. at least he's honest. we are 16 years old and boys are mean.

skip-rope song - jesse winchester
i am nineteen eyars old and i am standing next to my mother's coffin as she is about to be lowered into the earth. i tpick two roses from her spray - one red, one white. my sister kneels on the grass and kisses the polished oak casket. as we all turn to walk back to the cars, my father asks for everyone's attention. he wants to sing one last song to his soulmate and we let him. he sings their song and i am lucky to be wearing sunglasses, because my face is crumpling. he used to sing that song to her all the time when i was a child. and it used to remind me of that. but now it reminds me of the day my mother was buried, and that's okay i guess. i didn't hear the original version until just recently... my dad's is better.

between the bars - elliott smith
ashleigh and i are laying in bet, little-kid-style, trying half-heartedly to fall asleep. mostly we're talking. about everything and nothing all at once. our going-to-sleep tape plays endlessly in the background. we atlk about boys. our parents. our school. our bad punk band. it smells like mildew in her basement bedroom, but i don't care because i'm with my best friend in the world and she makes me believe in magic. ashleigh is scared of the world, adn so am i. but it doesn't matter because the world doesn't seem quite so frightening when she's holding my hand.

commando - angry samoans
we're in andrew robinson's garage. we=me and my punk band. correction. our BAD punk band. how ambitious of us to tackle the angry samoans. so much more challenging than "i'm a bug". andrew is getting pissed off because there's probably too much estrogen bouncing off the concrete floor. janet and ash and i are sooo inexperienced and so unorganized, but we're having fun. andrew is trying to bestow his band wisdom on us. he's being polite, as is his usual cute little skinhead demeanor, but i can tell he's annoyed. we try once... twice.. three times now and ash keeps fucking up... she's on drums, so it throws EVERYONE off. i can't really blame her... her mind keeps wandering because punk songs are less than challenging on the drums. we continue to play and drew continues to pout.

bad town - operation ivy
this song reminds me of when my father drove my brother and i and five of our friends to barrie for lollapalooza 95. grayson still thinks the chorus goes "no more fat cows."

pearl jam - no code (all of it)
i am nineteen. i am in my bedroom, alone. my mother died this morning. i am half in shock still and experiencing wave after wave of vastly unfamiliar emotions. everything will change in my life... drastically. so i will hold on to something extremely personal and familiar and dear to my heart. my boys from seattle always make me feel better about humanity in general and make the shock and almost-unbearable pain of losing a part of yourself at least just a little bit more tolerable.

ani difranco - shameless
i am once again sitting in the fireball and billi is rocking the casbah. she is soo good, and she covers this song sooo well. we are angry teenage girls. we don't really know what we're angry about, but we are >:)

cripple creek ferry - neil young
it is the weekend of my twentieth birthday. i am celebrating, at camp, with about 15 of my friends. i am in a tent shivering. the wind off batchewana bay cuts my skins as i crawl out the tent flap and over to the still-burning campfire, where the smell of whiskey breath and burning hardwood somehow warms me inside. dad is sitting with adam and scott and they are being hippies. dad insists on singing. dad practically insists, in fact, that he is neil young. adam and scott dont' mind because they are in awe of him, like always. i sit with them for awhile, because my dad's presence always makes me feel safe, whether he is being a nerd or not. although it is 5 AM, my mind is still buggy with whiskey sours and thc and my ribs are close to aching from one too many birthday hugs (is there such a thing?) my world has recently been upended, but i am still among loved ones, and right now it seems tolerable, if only for the moment.