i moved again.

no updates in three days. i'm so fucking sorry. i was having major keyboard issues. this is so funny... it was frustrating too, but how hilarious is this? my keyboard had a sticky key, so everytime i booted my puter i got a bios error message, keyboard error or no keyboard found... press F1 to continue or Del to enter setup. in case you don't understand why that is so hilarious... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HIT F1 OR DELETE IF MY KEYBOARD DOES NOT WORK? hahahahaha.

anyway, i now have a lovely new keyboard. it's so pretty and curvy and soft and gliderific. so now i can answer email, update stuff and talk to my ppl on icq again. yayaya.

tattoo day on tuesday. meow. i can't wait. okay. on the agenda this evening: 3 reviews. 2cds, one book. the cds first. i bought two new cds on friday...

pete yorn's musicforthemorningafter this cd melts in my mouth. it's the kind of cd that i want to have a torrid love affair with. it's the kind of cd that absolutely overwhelms me... it's simply delicious. there is not a single song on this cd that i dislike. i first heard of pete yorn from jessica who advised me to download the song for nancy which is a delightful song. so when bird, al and i were wandering around in musicworld, i knew i wanted to pick up a couple cds, and i knew that i have a whole gigantic wishlist and all, but the wishlist in my mind isn't quite so reliable as the one on my desk, which wasn't much help to me when i was not at my desk, and in fact at the mall. anyway, i didn't notice the pete yorn cd til we were almost leaving. as soon as i spotted it, i immediately knew i had to have it. and thank goodness i spied it because i have been listening to it non-stop since friday. i love the song june... you know how that car commercial with pink moon by nick drake made you want to drive around at night in a convertible with ppl you love looking at the stars? june has the same effect on me, mostly. and the way i feel about pete yorn is the same way i felt about elliott smith when i first discovered him. and we all know how hideously obsessed i am with mr. smith, so coming from me that is saying a lot. argh. buy this cd.

smashing pumpkins greatest hits - first of all, i have never been a huge smashing pumpkins fan. i mean, i own gish, siamese dream and mellon collie, but they have never been at the top of my favourite albums list. [{mayonnaise always makes me cry...>}] anyway, when we walked into music world on friday, this album was the currently playing selection. we wandered the aisles for about an hour and when we left bird and i had both purchased the cd. i know, we're suckers, and musicworld are marketing geniuses, hahaha. however, i feel that i got the better deal by purchasing the limited edition with a second disc of b-sides and rarities - bird just got the greatest hits disc, and i only paid three dollars more. so haha bird. anyway, as i was saying, while wandereing musicworld, everytime a new track started it triggered a memory, not a distinct memory of an exact occasion or situation per se, but of a certain period of my life, which caused me to realize that although i'm not as insane about the pumpkins as so many others are, they have been somewhat of a constant presence in my life, esp. through my high school years. so why the fuck not purchase the greatest hits album and kind of admit that billy corgan is a quasi-genius? meglomaniac, yes, but damn the man has talent. soze i bought it. i haven't been listening to it nearly so much this weekend, as pete yorn has pretty much has been exclusively dominating my ears, but i will say that it is a good cd for a lesser sp fan (such as myself) to own. can you even follow my verbal diarrhea anymore? hahaha. i only have two very specific complaints about this cd: 1) no rocket 2) no mayonnaise. i will get over it. and i haven't listened to the second disc yet so oh well.

jennifer lauck - blackbird i'm not going to say that this book is about me, cause it's not. it's about jennifer lauck, and a six year period of her childhood in which both of her parents die. when i saw her being interviewed on rosie, rosie kept saying how depressing her childhood was... and now what i'm reading the book, (i'm about halfway through) i am beginning to realize how many parallels there are between my life and jennifer's, and let me tell ya.... there ain' nuthin' depressing about my life. shit happens sometimes. i am a firm believer in the notion that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. amen sistah. anyway, i don't really want to give too much away, but i can say this: it is a good book. haha. i am ever so eloquent. no, it is though... jennifer at seven years old reminds me a bit of myself at 20, when i lost my mother. i think i will reserve a review for when i actually finish the book. but i just wanted to say that it is good so far.

okay.

and i just thought that i'd mention how disgusting viva puffs are. i ate one tonight... i have not been able to eat them really since that summer that wendy and i spent with becky in sudbury and we practically lived off of frozen viva puffs from becky's deep freezer. that is all.

*off she goes*

love kate

1:11 AM

can't sleep. i'm not usually in bed at this hour... that's probably why. not sure why i decided to go to bed... bought a new book, blackbird by jennifer lauck. so far so good. and i decided that i wanted to curl up in bed and read. but then after about 20-30 pages, i decided it was time for lights out... but could not sleep for some reason. so i came to blog.

i have so much on my mind. the stupid steel plant. tomorrow's the big day when everyone finds out what's going to happen. whether my father will still have a job. he has given them 25 years of his life and he might not even get his pension out of it. fuck them. i am keeping my fingers crossed, because i think it might end up killing him if that place shuts down. he talks about moving to calgary, and working there, or bc even, but we'll see about that. i shouldn't be borrowing trouble, i suppose. i just worry about him so much sometimes that i have to stop and tell myself that he's the parent and i am the child. i don't know what i'd do without him.

and the car... jordy's sister robin lent it to me for a few hours tonight to see if i was interested in it or not. here's the lowdown... it's a 98 dodge neon, 5 sp standard... 70 000km, and i would be taking over the lease at $7500. it's so nice... it drives so well, and i love it... and it already has a cd player. i know that the stereo system is the last thing i should be concerned with, but it's nice. arg. but do i really want to make that kind of a commitment in my life right now? i mean...like, i could pay it off in about two years without crippling myself financially. but who knows where i will be in a year? grr... oh well, must think. also, it would mean either getting a loan from my bank or getting financed through the dealership. don't know how crazy i am about either of those ideas. i will mull everything over for awhile.

thinking about mom constantly these past few days. miss her like crazy. that goes without saying, i know. but yesterday, at work, i couldn't remember what her laugh sounded like and i started crying. at work. i'm a sap, truly. i stopped myself before anyone noticed, thank god. i love my co-workers and i've made a lot of friends there, but i would rather not expose them to random fits of tears. it's times like these, when i'm stressing over the holidays. and my sister being a fuckup. and my dad losing his job. and making big financial decisions... that's when i miss her the most, because i start to feel like if she were here to help me understand the way things are sometimes and that they will get better, then maybe i would feel better about my life in general. what i'm starting to realize is that i don't need her, because she's already given me everything i need. she planted a seed of self-reliance in my soul and nurtured it, and she didn't leave me until it was starting to grow... horrible analogy, i know, but what i'm trying to say is, i don't need her here to have her to comfort me... i don't need her here to ask her advice... because i know that she has helped me to build inner strength and i know what she would probably say if i needed her advice... because i am a part of her. and that in itself is a comfort. and i know that things will get better, and i know that i am smart and strong and determined and THAT is why hard times will pass. everything is so uncertain right now, and i crave stability, but it will come with time, and i have to be patient.

i love you mom.

kate

that's it, i'm doing all my entries notepad-style from now on, then i will copy and paste, cause i really just can't deal with how much blogger makes my IE crash. stupid IE. grr.

anyway, things are going well. the countdown continues. mostly everyone is coming home soon. and to celebrate i am throwing a christmas party on the 28th. although i did receive some distressing news yesterday from bumpy... apparently scott is planning on showing up completely wasted ... he will be drinking copious amounts before he even leaves the house. when scott is drunk he turns into a total arse. he even gets a little... violent? i dunno, probably cantankerous is a better word. or like, argumentative. he's an ass when he's drunk. that's it. and that is not welcome at my party... if he's being an arse, he'll get the boot and i will make him leave. and that's that. i want it to be a good atmosphere.

on a completely unrelated subject, i got a wee tipsy at foggy's last night. first time in awhile... but the dears were playing and it seemed reason to celebrate. they were absolutely wonderful. adorable even. they're like this delicious pulpy/sloany/smithsy/strokesy ghoulash. i advise you to check them out. steph, i cannot believe they are your hometown boys and you have never seen them. i know montreal is big and everything, but you really need to check them out if/when you get a chance. cause they're super-duper.

i might have a car soon! my uncle's sister had-cosigned a lease for her son for a black 2000 neon and he got laid off and stopped making the payments. she wants to get the car out of her hair, so i might be taking over the lease. she's bringing it over here after four today so i can look at it. that would be so, so mint. cause a 2000 neon would kick the crap out of any hunk-of-junk that i had intended to buy where my dad got his truck. yay.

also, i have to get my darn xmas shopping done. i don't want to be overly concerned with it while my chums are home.

okay, i'm gonna hop in the shower/etc. laters skaters, love k8

my computer crashed in the middle of this post last time... very frustrating. breathe, kate, take a breath. here's the deal... i met a boy at work today. a cute one. and funny. i happened to sit next to him, and have never seen him at work before, but since over 400 ppl work at nucomm that isn't such a rarity. anyway, we were chatting it up, real colleague-style... friendly stuff. and becky and i went out for a cigarette break. it was cold, so we sat in her van and listened to the oldies station. those things are dangerous. it's like... you don't even realize it, but the songs get stuck in your head and you know all the words and you're singing it for the rest of the day... anyway, when we get back in, i *guess* i was singing out loud when i sat down, as is my nerd-like-wont... and he's like, "...that's some nice sweet caroline you've got going on there..." haha, loser kate is walking around the floor singing neil diamond. anyway, we were discussing the hilarity in the fact that i really don't like neil diamond at all, yet not only know every single word to that song AND am walking around at work singing it. the topic of conversation eventually turns to musical preferences... and the first two words out of his mouth? pearl jam. i kid you not. i tell you... hearing that from a cute boy is like... chocolatey-goodness. i know some people can sympathize with what i mean. a cute nice boy who is funny and likes pearl jam is a treasure. we talked about my boys from seattle for about an hour straight cause call volume was low. we totally geeked out. but here's what kills me about myself... how stupid i am... how i didn't even say goodbye when i left work... i mean, we were getting along pretty well, and even if he has a girlfriend or whatever, it'd be cool to be friends with him and sit with him at work and stuff, eh? so why don't i just acknowledge his presence by saying like, bye, nice chatting, see you around or whatever? because i am a bona fide loser:

Main Entry: los·er
Pronunciation: 'lü-z&r
Function: noun
Date: 1548
1 : one that loses especially consistently
2 : one who is incompetent or unable to succeed; also : something doomed to fail or disappoint

*sigh*. why do i torment myself so? anyway, i hope i can sit near him again at work or something... or maybe actually be brave and ask him out for coffee or something? so cowardly. arg. he likes them sooo much. and he went to school with billi and tiff.

anyway, so yeah. work was pretty cool tonight. i dig the saturdays. do you like my excessive use of links tonight? i don't know where it's coming from. steph maybe? yeah, so, christmas shopping on thursday... must budge or i will spend a million billion dollars on people... cannot do that. don't have million billion dollars to spend. and must buy camera. which i haven't done yet. arg. okay. done here for the night. later kids. love k8

so my father is in total mourning over george harrison. it is very sad. i mean, i recognize what a loss it is... but my father, well, george was his favourite. and obviously, being much older than i, actually remembers the beatles, grew up listening to them, saw them in concert several times, feels a very passionate connection with their music. he refers to george as "his buddy". the beatles broke up before i was born and john lennon was shot when i was four months old. but i still love the beatles. it weird that in a physical, human, sense of existence they're 50% gone. anyway, in true list style, here are some beatles songs that i feel are truly special. no particular order... and i put several of these on the tape for my mother's funeral. she loved the beatles.

blackbird - was on my mother's remembrance tape which was played continuously during the wake. also very fun to play on the guitar - so easy, but so beautiful.
because - so different, but so pretty. i love to sing this song, even though i suck.
rocky raccoon - greg mclaughlin used to play this song at dunn assemblies and the 'ball before he found god and sold all his guitars. one of my true favourites.
girl - one of my father's favourite songs, and guaranteed to be sung by him whilst in a drunken, nostalgic mood\
norwegian wood - reminds me of grade ten guitar class... one of my favourite songs ever. and obviously mr. gough's as well, cause we played it far too many times.
here comes the sun - reminds me of this one night at billy's - after a hardcore huge party, he and wendy and i were crashing out on his couch in a weird little tangle, and somehow at six in the morning, abbey road started playing continuously on the stereo - not sure/don't remember who put it in, but it played at least a couple of times before we actually fell asleep and it's SUCH A WEIRD calling asleep cd - but good nonetheless.
michelle - awwww, this song makes my heart sad. actually, reminds me of my first exposure to the beatles, really... i was in grade six and i had just gotten a cd player for christmas, but it had a turntable on the top - since i only had 3 or 4 cds at that point, i eventually rummaged through my dad's old vinyl. rubber soul was a big favourite of mine. especially michelle

of course there are more, but it would take far too long to list all of my favourites... those are a few off the top of my head.

miracle of all miracles, i went out last night. becky made me. we went to a new bar that just opened up downtown called the down beat. i love it... it's so mellow and small and comfy... mismatched couches and chairs and retro-y coffee tables and phunk art on the walls - so homey. and it was fun to see people, too. jill pateman for one, who i haven't seen in over a year and a half (actually, last night i saw her was at that rave where i thought i was dying cause i took too much ecstasy...echh.) but it was cool to see her nonetheless, and it's always a joy to see kristen, shauna and amber. mike robillard was there too, haha, he quit his job, which is at the same place where i work. he got another one at a new thingey that is opening up. he's taking a pay cut of at least a couple dollars... so he must of really hated it at nucomm. but i had fun and had some white russians. saw katina, as well, looking oh-so-cute in a chic black bobbed wig. that crazy chica. and matt-from-work was there, working pro-style hard on picking up this girl that he really likes. i think it's really fun to watch that kind of stuff happening... i am such a voyeur.

anyway, my weekend is unfortunately over and i have to shower/getdressed/eat/find-a-ride in the next hour, so i should go. but i was feeling guilty about my lack-of-entry last night, but by the time we got home from the down beat i was soooo sleepy.

later skaterz. love k8

kate's to-do list for december

1. put the fleece liner back in my coat, cause damn it is cold out
2. invest in a new pair of docs
3. marry this guy
4. dig out the holiday decorations
5. finish my chistmas shoping EARLY this year
6. get disgustingly drunk with these guys cause most of them are coming home for xmas
7. not go to work... (i'm not quitting or getting fired, as far as i know.. i just have lots of time booked off this month...)
8. take my boys for their second annual check-up/vaccinations
9. get a haircut (it's getting too long in the back, i'm practically growing a mullet...)
10. attempt to get my ass down to toronto to get my stuff (will it ever happen? how i miss my stuff...)

i forgot to mention... last weekend when i spent the night at scott/chris's (they have merged into one entity in my head...) david bradfield called from toronto! haven't spoken with him in months! sounds like he's doing really well, and he'll be home for a few days right after christmas, YAY. i'm going to stop gushing about seeing everyone again, cause it seems like that's all i talk about anymore.

i didn't watch survivor tonight... it was like, a clip show from the first 21 days, so i after cleaning the house and doing my laundry all day, i opted for some special on fox about the making of the lord of the rings which incidentally looks really cool... can't wait. i still have to get out and see harry potter. that should be number eleven on my to-do list.

11. go see the harry potter movie because i have to. because i've read the books a million zillion times. and i have to see what they've done with it.

soon... on december eleventh i get my next tattoo... and i'm still undecided!! i still have it narrowed down to a) nautical stars on the front of my shoulders b) a lotus flower on the back of my left shoulder c) i was contemplating getting a fairy on the back of the shoulder, but upon closer inspection have decided that it's too girly, even though i can be pretty girly sometimes or d) a growling kitty face w/ crossbones ( i probably won't get this one. ) damn.... i better make up my damn mind, cause i have to get the drawing in to shellayne@anipeg this next week...

well, i think i just may have to go to white rose tomorrow... i'm already geeking out over holiday decorations etc. and i'm feeling crafty... white rose is THE place to be when you're feeling crafty. and i should get grayson's phone tomorrow, too.

is it wrong of me to like hayden's version of gouge away better than the original by the pixies? maybe. maybe not.

meow. *heart* kitty-kate

work was tolerable today. i spent most of the shift in a foul funk type mood, but the last couple hours weren't bad. i had a customer who was by far the biggest jerk i have spoken with while on the phones in the past five months. he said that i was only authorized to tell him to piss off. he said he was a lawyer and he threatened to sue "us bastards." he called me incompetent. he said that we would have to reimburse his wages lost while waiting for a tech. he swore at me repeatedly. he asked me to put it in the work order that the technician should "bring his ass breakfast." he yelled and yelled and yelled. he was a real jerk. after i scheduled an appointment with the tech, he told me to fuck off and hung up. how's that for nice? people are jerks sometimes.

but you know what? everything balances out though, because right after mr. asshole called and put me in a super-bitchy-pissy mood, i had the best call... this totally nice surfer-dude. he was very sweet and very complimentary. he kept calling me the all powerful internet queen. and when i managed to solve his problem and get him back online, he was super-duper greatful. and he put me back in a good mood. thanks guy!

so now i'm off for two days. i love my weekends, even if i don't happen to get anything accomplished. i think i'm just gonna do laundry and stuff tomorrow. that's usually the way it goes. and i am grossly in need of clean clothing. i just realized i have a huge rip down the thigh of my favourite pajama pants. dammit.

it is wayyyyy too cold out. when i got home from work tonite i took lucy for a walk to the store. i am still trying to warm up, an hour later. sucks.
well, i'm about ready to crash. later skaters.

love k8

mrowr. i don't know what's up with me lately... hormone surge? could be. i feel like jumping every second boy i see. i think it's something about winter that affects me this way. what's up with everyone going to part-time? i don't understand it... quel bizarre. (haven't been in a francais class for 6 years, okay? i know i can't spell... ) ooh, for fun, let me try to speak in french, kay?
bonjour. je m'appelle kate. je suis une fille tres jolie. j'aime des garcons. haha. je suis une loser.

work was absolutely INSANE this evening. the queue didn't die until almost 11 PM. but you know what? ever since i worked days last week, i've grown accustomed to having excessive queue and it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. plus, it makes the shift go by faster.

i absolutely 100% cannot wait for everyone to come home. i'm warning you, i'm going into cheeseball mode here... i cannot wait to HUG everyone. drew, wendy, ryan, sara, sarah, mandy, kc, rebecca, jenn, EVERYONE... yay yay yay.

i need some new clothes in a big bad way. oh yeah, it snowed like crazy last night and today. it's here to stay now. this is both good and bad. i dig the snow. i don't dig the cold. i have to change the way i dress now. damn.

i am listening to hole. had almost but not quite forgotten how much i love them. even celebrity skin. yowsa. i don't have much to say tonight. don't know why. later skaters. love k8

hung out with smashleigh tonight. it was really good to see her... when you're with a true friend, it's like nothing changes. you can go months, years, without seeing them, but when you do, it's like you just pick up right where you left off. i'm so glad we're not on bad terms anymore... we were going to go out and stuff, but ended up on a tea excursion to the A&P (24 hours, baby...) and then we went to robin's for some old sk00l caff. rented a couple movies... bridget jone's diary and 3000 miles to graceland. have already seen BJD, but got it again because i really wanted ashleigh to see it... and she loved it, of course. 3000 miles to graceland was okay. we both mostly dozed during it, and when it was over i walked home in the snow... we got more snow! 10 centimetres so far. lovely crunch-walk at 3:30 AM. i just need to say that what other city in canada would i feel okay walking home by myself in that late at night? sault ste. marie. not a second thought. no paranoia, no glancing over my shoulder every two seconds the way i had to in guelph. i love my hometown. i hope it doesn't die.

short entry tonite, i'm sleepy... it's 4:20... i suppose if it were a couple years ago i would actually care....

later skaters. love k8